Yikes ~ In-Law Troubles?

   When the two of you start talking about getting married, you are thinking of building a life together and someday having children, but you are not thinking about getting married to your in-laws. In reality though, you are marrying your in-laws because it seems that when you marry your fiancé their family becomes your family. If you both like and get along well with each other’s parents, this might not be too bad of a thing, but if you detest and cannot get along at all with your soon to be in-laws, then there might be a problem that needs to be straightened out before the wedding takes place.

   Before getting married, have you had a sufficient amount of time to observe the interaction between your fiancé and his or her family? Have you listened to the way he or she talks about the family, whether it is in a loving manner or a disrespectful manner? Is your fiancé dependent on mommy and daddy for everything including balancing the checkbook? There is an old saying that states if you want to know how your fiancé will treat you once you are married, watch the way he or she treats his or her family, especially the parents.
Do you see your in-laws as being nosy, pushy, and controlling? Are they always sticking their noses into your new life together as a married couple and trying to make decisions regarding most aspects of your lives? Do you see them as constantly overstepping their bounds and even trying to dictate to you how you should and should not raise your own children?

   If you answered yes to any of the above questions then it is definitely time for you and your fiancé or spouse to sit down and have a very serious conversation about what to do when the in-laws start overstepping their bounds. First, let me make one thing very clear. DO NOT ever try reasoning with your spouse’s parents on your own. It is always best if you fiancé/spouse deal with their parents and you deal with yours, and each of you support the other.

   As a couple you need to set some very clear and straightforward guidelines where the in-laws are concerned. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate from them. You might try explaining to them that the two of you want the chance to try and make a life of your own separate from the life you had with them. You can further explain that if you run into a problem that the two of you can’t figure out together, you will ask them for help or advice, but you don’t want them to offer help or advice until you have asked for it.