It is a fact of life: when you are planning a wedding, you can rarely invite everyone that you would like to. Either the budget is too small, the venue is too tight, or your family is just too big. One way that some couples handle this dilemma is by grouping their wedding guest lists into “A”s and “B”s.
In a nutshell, the “A” list is the group of people that you will definitely be inviting to your wedding. This group usually includes your immediate family, attendants, close friends, and the random people that your parents insist on inviting to your wedding because they are paying for it. The “B” list will typically be people that you would like to have, space permitting. “B” lists are generally populated by people such as more recently acquired friends, old college chums you haven’t seen in a while, and your co-workers.
The way to create the “A” list is to add up everyone that you must have at your wedding, and then keep going with names from your extended circle until you have hit the limit of either your venue or budget. Do this as if every single person on the list will actually be coming (which of course, they won’t). In other words, if your venue can only seat 110 people, then your list should have exactly 110 names on it – and don’t forget to include the bride and groom in this head count! You now have your “A” list.
Anyone who did not make the initial cut is now officially on your “B” list. Okay, so far, so good. As the R.s.v.p.s start to roll in from the first set of invitations, you can invite one person from the “B” list for each declined invitation. From here on in, things can get a little trickier. The wedding invitations need to be sent out to the “A” list well in advance of your wedding date, usually at least 8 weeks, but sometimes even more.
Where it gets dicey is that you have to finagle responses from all of the guests on your “A” list much earlier than usual – four weeks before the wedding at the minimum. If people ask why you need to have your answers so early, blame the caterer; whatever you do, never let on that you have a “B” list waiting in the wings.
Let me repeat: no one should know about the “B” list (though some may suspect, based on the timing of the invitations). It is not improper or poor etiquette to have an “A” list and a “B” list, however it would be terrible if any of the “B” listers were made to feel like they were your second choice guests. This means that when you are sending out the invitations, you must do so based in part on the social and familial circles of your invitees. You can’t invite your friend Sally eight weeks before the wedding, but send out a last minute invite to her sister Margaret. If people are going to talk, put them both on either the “A” or “B” list together to avoid hurt feelings.
Some people find the idea of two separate guest lists to be highly offensive. If you feel this way, then there are a few other paths that you can take. One of the nicest things that a couple can do is to scale back on the luxury of the wedding to be able to include everyone who is near and dear to them. Maybe you have to have your reception in a mid-range hotel instead of a ritzy private club, but in the end, you may find that who you have at your wedding is more important than where you have it.
Other couples will find other cost-cutting solutions to be able to expand their guest list. For instance, you can have a brunch instead of a sit-down evening reception. Another way to cut expenses is to order your bridesmaid jewelry sets online. You can find truly beautiful handcrafted bridesmaid jewelry sets made from Swarovksi crystals and freshwater pearls – they will look like a splurge, but can actually be very affordable bridesmaid gifts. Some other things that you can order online to save on costs include wine (depending on the laws of your state), invitations, and wedding jewelry for the bride.
Whether you decide to have a two part guest list, or simply to cut your expenses so you can expand your guest list, the key is to be gracious. If you do have an “A” and a “B” list, be careful to keep that piece of information private. As long as you make all of your guests feel welcome and wanted, your wedding is sure to be a fabulous success.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Yikes ~ In-Law Troubles?
When the two of you start talking about getting married, you are thinking of building a life together and someday having children, but you are not thinking about getting married to your in-laws. In reality though, you are marrying your in-laws because it seems that when you marry your fiancé their family becomes your family. If you both like and get along well with each other’s parents, this might not be too bad of a thing, but if you detest and cannot get along at all with your soon to be in-laws, then there might be a problem that needs to be straightened out before the wedding takes place.
Before getting married, have you had a sufficient amount of time to observe the interaction between your fiancé and his or her family? Have you listened to the way he or she talks about the family, whether it is in a loving manner or a disrespectful manner? Is your fiancé dependent on mommy and daddy for everything including balancing the checkbook? There is an old saying that states if you want to know how your fiancé will treat you once you are married, watch the way he or she treats his or her family, especially the parents.
Do you see your in-laws as being nosy, pushy, and controlling? Are they always sticking their noses into your new life together as a married couple and trying to make decisions regarding most aspects of your lives? Do you see them as constantly overstepping their bounds and even trying to dictate to you how you should and should not raise your own children?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions then it is definitely time for you and your fiancé or spouse to sit down and have a very serious conversation about what to do when the in-laws start overstepping their bounds. First, let me make one thing very clear. DO NOT ever try reasoning with your spouse’s parents on your own. It is always best if you fiancé/spouse deal with their parents and you deal with yours, and each of you support the other.
As a couple you need to set some very clear and straightforward guidelines where the in-laws are concerned. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate from them. You might try explaining to them that the two of you want the chance to try and make a life of your own separate from the life you had with them. You can further explain that if you run into a problem that the two of you can’t figure out together, you will ask them for help or advice, but you don’t want them to offer help or advice until you have asked for it.
Before getting married, have you had a sufficient amount of time to observe the interaction between your fiancé and his or her family? Have you listened to the way he or she talks about the family, whether it is in a loving manner or a disrespectful manner? Is your fiancé dependent on mommy and daddy for everything including balancing the checkbook? There is an old saying that states if you want to know how your fiancé will treat you once you are married, watch the way he or she treats his or her family, especially the parents.
Do you see your in-laws as being nosy, pushy, and controlling? Are they always sticking their noses into your new life together as a married couple and trying to make decisions regarding most aspects of your lives? Do you see them as constantly overstepping their bounds and even trying to dictate to you how you should and should not raise your own children?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions then it is definitely time for you and your fiancé or spouse to sit down and have a very serious conversation about what to do when the in-laws start overstepping their bounds. First, let me make one thing very clear. DO NOT ever try reasoning with your spouse’s parents on your own. It is always best if you fiancé/spouse deal with their parents and you deal with yours, and each of you support the other.
As a couple you need to set some very clear and straightforward guidelines where the in-laws are concerned. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate from them. You might try explaining to them that the two of you want the chance to try and make a life of your own separate from the life you had with them. You can further explain that if you run into a problem that the two of you can’t figure out together, you will ask them for help or advice, but you don’t want them to offer help or advice until you have asked for it.
Blended Families ~ Tips for Adding Steps to the Big Day
Years and years ago, getting married used to include the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents, the father of the bride walked the bride down the aisle, and the mother and father of the bride gave her away to be joined with her husband. Over the years though, you see more and more couples getting married where one or both of them have stepparents due to divorce of their biological parents. So, the question of how to involve the biological parents and the stepparents in the wedding might be raised.
For some, involving the stepparents is not a difficult task. It seems that the two sets of parents get along with each other or are at least civil to one another, so involving everyone in your wedding won’t be risky and won’t offend anyone. But there are circumstances where none of the parents, biological or stepparent, can get along at all, they can’t even seem to be in the same room for five minutes without some kind of a disagreement taking place. You might ask how to go about handling a situation such as that one.
I highly suggest that you sit down with both sets of parents and inform them that you would like for all of them to participate in and share in your big day, but that you have some reservations about doing so, and then explain to them what your reservations are and ask if they have any suggestions on how this can be worked out so that all of them can share in your day with you. Do not be afraid to tell them exactly how you expect things to go because this is your special day and not a single part of it should be ruined just because four adults can’t seem to be civil to one another for a few hours for the sake of your happiness.
There are a couple of things that you can do to include them all in your ceremony. One way would be to sit all four of them in the row designated for the parents. Another way would be to take two different sets of wedding pictures, one with the biological family and one with the stepfamily. And, another very important way to include both sets of parents would be to allow both dads to walk their little girl down the aisle, one on each side of her.
The point is, this is your day and nothing should be allowed to ruin it for you. Both sets of parents will have to be adult enough to be civil to each other throughout the wedding and reception. If this is something that they are unwilling or incapable of doing then perhaps it's time for them to realize it is your day...
For some, involving the stepparents is not a difficult task. It seems that the two sets of parents get along with each other or are at least civil to one another, so involving everyone in your wedding won’t be risky and won’t offend anyone. But there are circumstances where none of the parents, biological or stepparent, can get along at all, they can’t even seem to be in the same room for five minutes without some kind of a disagreement taking place. You might ask how to go about handling a situation such as that one.
I highly suggest that you sit down with both sets of parents and inform them that you would like for all of them to participate in and share in your big day, but that you have some reservations about doing so, and then explain to them what your reservations are and ask if they have any suggestions on how this can be worked out so that all of them can share in your day with you. Do not be afraid to tell them exactly how you expect things to go because this is your special day and not a single part of it should be ruined just because four adults can’t seem to be civil to one another for a few hours for the sake of your happiness.
There are a couple of things that you can do to include them all in your ceremony. One way would be to sit all four of them in the row designated for the parents. Another way would be to take two different sets of wedding pictures, one with the biological family and one with the stepfamily. And, another very important way to include both sets of parents would be to allow both dads to walk their little girl down the aisle, one on each side of her.
The point is, this is your day and nothing should be allowed to ruin it for you. Both sets of parents will have to be adult enough to be civil to each other throughout the wedding and reception. If this is something that they are unwilling or incapable of doing then perhaps it's time for them to realize it is your day...
Monday, August 9, 2010
Budgeting For The Cake ~ What You're Paying For
Wedding cakes are a work of art and many man hours can go into creating the masterpiece. It's important to know though, that most of a your wedding cakes cost will be in your choice of icing, the cake decorating, the size of the cake tiers and how many servings you'll need.
1. The wedding cake icing or frosting: as a bride-to-be you have the choice of rolled fondant icing, marzipan, real white or chocolate icing, royal icing, chocolate ganache and flavoured buttercream. Rolled fondant and marzipan are the most expensive, as a fair bit of labour goes into rolling a perfectly smooth and even canvas for limitless cake decorating options. (Very easy to tear during the process if not applied properly).
2. The wedding cake decorating: cake decorations will vary according to which icing you pick. If it's rolled fondant, the decorating ideas are limitless. When the fondant is completely dry, it is firm and perfectly smooth. However, if you prefer buttercream, your best choice for decorations are fresh or silk flowers, buttercream or ganach based decorative patterns or swirls and/or decorative satin ribbons around each tier. TIP: even though buttercream is a delicious choice, for melting reasons, do not choose buttercream for a summer wedding. The buttercream will not stand the test of time.
3. Wedding cake tiers and layer structure: the more cake layers or tiers your choose, the more costly you cake becomes. The size of the tier also need to be taken into considerations.
Here's an example:
1. Type of icing you choose, example: rolled fondant icing, royal icing or buttercream icing. The intricate cake decorating example: creating the edible flowers, motifs and decorations. And last but not least the structure of the cake. Whether it be layered or tiered, the actual size. The larger the wedding cake, or more complex in design, the greater the chance of the cake collapsing. So extra measures and time goes into securing the structure.
2. The icing, decorating and assembling of a layered or tiered cake. And the least amount of cost will go into the cakes in ingredients.
3. The larger the wedding cake, or more complex in design, the greater the chance of the cake collapsing. So extra measures and time goes into securing the structure.
4. The precautions the cake designer makes, the greater the wedding cake cost.Huge wedding cakes can easily collapse and some cakes can only be assembled at the wedding reception.
1. The wedding cake icing or frosting: as a bride-to-be you have the choice of rolled fondant icing, marzipan, real white or chocolate icing, royal icing, chocolate ganache and flavoured buttercream. Rolled fondant and marzipan are the most expensive, as a fair bit of labour goes into rolling a perfectly smooth and even canvas for limitless cake decorating options. (Very easy to tear during the process if not applied properly).
2. The wedding cake decorating: cake decorations will vary according to which icing you pick. If it's rolled fondant, the decorating ideas are limitless. When the fondant is completely dry, it is firm and perfectly smooth. However, if you prefer buttercream, your best choice for decorations are fresh or silk flowers, buttercream or ganach based decorative patterns or swirls and/or decorative satin ribbons around each tier. TIP: even though buttercream is a delicious choice, for melting reasons, do not choose buttercream for a summer wedding. The buttercream will not stand the test of time.
3. Wedding cake tiers and layer structure: the more cake layers or tiers your choose, the more costly you cake becomes. The size of the tier also need to be taken into considerations.
Here's an example:
1. Type of icing you choose, example: rolled fondant icing, royal icing or buttercream icing. The intricate cake decorating example: creating the edible flowers, motifs and decorations. And last but not least the structure of the cake. Whether it be layered or tiered, the actual size. The larger the wedding cake, or more complex in design, the greater the chance of the cake collapsing. So extra measures and time goes into securing the structure.
2. The icing, decorating and assembling of a layered or tiered cake. And the least amount of cost will go into the cakes in ingredients.
3. The larger the wedding cake, or more complex in design, the greater the chance of the cake collapsing. So extra measures and time goes into securing the structure.
4. The precautions the cake designer makes, the greater the wedding cake cost.Huge wedding cakes can easily collapse and some cakes can only be assembled at the wedding reception.
These are just some of the hidden costs.The following are some beautiful works of art for inspiration:
Wedding Cake Savings $$
The cheapest wedding cake is a single-tiered cake, however they can look more like birthday cakes and that just screams `budget wedding!'. Unless of course it is beautifully decorated.TIP: if you have a small wedding cake budget, choose a beautiful but small wedding cake for your reception, use it for the cutting of the cake photo's.
Have a sheet cake made with the same flavor and icing, no need to have it decorated with fresh flowers or elaborate sculptured decorations, as it is just a cake for cutting and serving. The sheet cake is only seen by the reception staff. This saves on wedding cake decorating and wedding cake tier assembly costs. You get to have your dream cake and enough cake to serve all your guests.
Remember, the average wedding cake price for a mediocre cake is not that much less than that of really classy designer wedding cakes. If you do decide on a single tier cake, spend the extra cost to have it beautifully decorated.
Why a Planner??
Weddings are something that all of us dream of as being romantic and oh-so-perfect. But of course when the time draws near and we have to actually plan our wedding ceremony, reality steps in and we realize that all is not as cozy and exciting as it seemed.
A professional wedding planner is just the answer for calming down the frantic pace of the nitty-gritty that goes into wedding planning. But if you are still not convinced, let's take a look at all the things the wedding planner or wedding consultant will do for you and save you the last minute anxiety.
Stress Management
The first thing that automatically comes along with planning a wedding reception is a lot of stress. There are a million details that go into planning the perfect wedding ceremony and reception. If you treat your wedding as one big project, this project is going to need a project manager who is going to be your wedding planner.
The planner is going to help keep out all the stress by doing what they do best, management. They will manage even the smallest details from the budget to all the different things that will require hiring or contracting wedding vendors. They will do all the leg work for you, not only making you stress free but giving you ample time to take a break, pamper yourself and also give you time to spend with your family and friends.
Budgeting
The wedding budget is obviously a very important part and needs to be done prior to everything else. As novices in event planning, we often land up wasting precious resources by making the wrong choices which a wedding coordinator is well versed with and knows how to get you the best deals from the best vendors.
Also a wedding planner will guarantee the services he or she provides through their own reliable vendors. Wedding vendors will often do favors for a planner that they do lots of business with, but would not be available to the bride or groom. Do not worry that they will smother your ideas. A wedding planner will work in coordination with you. In fact all you have to pay is about 10-20% of the total wedding costs. Although this fee can vary, you will still be saving a lot of money.
Distinctive Appeal
Often the bride and groom get carried away by various fantastical things that are just not practical. They can't decide how to make their wedding ceremony special and distinctive from others. A wedding planner will help you to realize your ideas in a realistic way and also provide you with their own suggestions to polish and shape your ideas all the way to a unique wedding.
Ready Choice
With so many possibilities, the bride and groom can feel overwhelmed and often land up buying something they don't plan because they have been cajoled by friends or family. A wedding planner will know who the best in the business are and guide the bride and groom into buying just what is right for them.
Middleman and Shield
Although hard to believe, you can get hounded by all the different caterers and florists you may have visited. Also, wedding vendors you choose may ask you a hundred technical questions you may have no idea about. That is where your wedding coordinator will step in to act as a go-between and keep you away from all the unnecessary headache.
Finally, do your self a favor and consider contacting a wedding consultant today. You may be surprised at what is really possible for the dream nuptials for you and your bride or groom.
A professional wedding planner is just the answer for calming down the frantic pace of the nitty-gritty that goes into wedding planning. But if you are still not convinced, let's take a look at all the things the wedding planner or wedding consultant will do for you and save you the last minute anxiety.
Stress Management
The first thing that automatically comes along with planning a wedding reception is a lot of stress. There are a million details that go into planning the perfect wedding ceremony and reception. If you treat your wedding as one big project, this project is going to need a project manager who is going to be your wedding planner.
The planner is going to help keep out all the stress by doing what they do best, management. They will manage even the smallest details from the budget to all the different things that will require hiring or contracting wedding vendors. They will do all the leg work for you, not only making you stress free but giving you ample time to take a break, pamper yourself and also give you time to spend with your family and friends.
Budgeting
The wedding budget is obviously a very important part and needs to be done prior to everything else. As novices in event planning, we often land up wasting precious resources by making the wrong choices which a wedding coordinator is well versed with and knows how to get you the best deals from the best vendors.
Also a wedding planner will guarantee the services he or she provides through their own reliable vendors. Wedding vendors will often do favors for a planner that they do lots of business with, but would not be available to the bride or groom. Do not worry that they will smother your ideas. A wedding planner will work in coordination with you. In fact all you have to pay is about 10-20% of the total wedding costs. Although this fee can vary, you will still be saving a lot of money.
Distinctive Appeal
Often the bride and groom get carried away by various fantastical things that are just not practical. They can't decide how to make their wedding ceremony special and distinctive from others. A wedding planner will help you to realize your ideas in a realistic way and also provide you with their own suggestions to polish and shape your ideas all the way to a unique wedding.
Ready Choice
With so many possibilities, the bride and groom can feel overwhelmed and often land up buying something they don't plan because they have been cajoled by friends or family. A wedding planner will know who the best in the business are and guide the bride and groom into buying just what is right for them.
Middleman and Shield
Although hard to believe, you can get hounded by all the different caterers and florists you may have visited. Also, wedding vendors you choose may ask you a hundred technical questions you may have no idea about. That is where your wedding coordinator will step in to act as a go-between and keep you away from all the unnecessary headache.
Finally, do your self a favor and consider contacting a wedding consultant today. You may be surprised at what is really possible for the dream nuptials for you and your bride or groom.
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